It’s been a long year
When January 1, 2010 rolled in I think I dreaded it more than anything. Like oh great, this is that time of year when I’m supposed to re-write my life, set landmark goals, blog more, resign myself to cook more, make all my dreams come true and oh yeah, get my lazy butt back to the gym. In my former life as the ultimate go-getter I would have wall size posters drawn up, ready and waiting for me to conquer the world. But this year was different.
We had the good fortune of celebrating New Year’s Eve with our good friends Jasmine and JD in the beautiful city of Queenstown, New Zealand. As we all sat around the table reciting our New Year’s goals for 2010 I felt my hands start to sweat. I was hoping that somehow they would skip over me. That somehow I could blend into the back of the chair so as to disappear altogether. Can I just say it again? It’s been a long year.
It’s been a year of shock, pain, change, courage, fear, tears, hope, regret, struggle, perseverance, endurance and faith. It’s been a year of learning for me. And the truth is that it’s completely re-arranged me and turned me on my head. My faith in Jesus was strong before David was diagnosed with brain cancer, but being faced with hardship has only intensified and deepened my love and pursuit of God. My whole life has been hi-jacked by my faith in Him. I’m really, truly discovering that every longing and wish my heart ever made has all in a sense just been a reflection of my longing for Jesus… I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know it was all found in Him.
Back to the dinner table when all eyes turned on me to hear my New Year’s goals. I felt the exhaustion from the past year down to my very bones. I felt my secret fears of inadequacy creeping up on me, that I should be achieving. Performing. But there is no performance left within me. I wondered if I should just make something up that sounded palatable, like learning to knit a sweater or something, you know, for polite table talk. Something, anything to keep me from opening the can of worms that would make me start bawling my eyes out at the table. But I knew that making something up would be an utter betrayal of all that is in my heart, just like getting on here and blogging like all I care about is photography would be totally inauthentic and therefore offend my sense of self.
So as I sat in the silent moment of choice, I could not deny the Divine burning in my soul, bubbling up within me like word vomit. The desire to speak of Him was so strong it took my breath away. Through trembling and tears I managed to stutter to my husband and friends that I don’t really have a lot of goals for this year. There is one thing I want so badly though. I simply want to be wrecked by God’s love for me. I want to be so undone that I can never be put back together. I want the Holy Spirit to so utterly consume me that my every breath is to bring glory to God. I want to be so intimate with Jesus that I am like a light shining in the darkness, pointing the way to the most beautiful, wonderful truth you can ever experience. I am a woman consumed by passion to know the living God. I can hardly think of other things sometimes. His love is changing me. Rescuing me. Healing me. I am not the same as I was, and I can never go back. I have found everything I was ever looking for. He’s so beautiful. He’s saving me. And I adore Him so much that I just cannot stay silent. So if there was ever a New Year’s resolution for me this year it would be to unify my voice. To speak my heart no matter what the cost.
Comments
bless you Amy. God has and He will continue! thank you for your voice.
You have been changed. Everybody else is in that go get ‘em mode with tons of goals. Your world has been opened up deeper than that. You have experienced 10 years in the past year. Just feel those changes and allow it all to slowly sink in. You have been there supporting your husband, and somehow your self through a crazy time. You need to do nothing else. (That’s at least my unsolicited advice.)
Those girls are ADORABLE!!!!!
oh how your words echo my own….you will never know how blessed I am by your authenticity and transparency,Amy. Thank you!
On a side note….did your husband recently speak at Cedarville U? My daughter called the other night and told me she thought the person who spoke during chapel was perhaps your husband [I had shown her the video you shared a couple of months ago].
I am so inspired by your willingness to speak your heart and soul. I really want to meet you sometime!
Dude these are seriously awesome. seriously. not sure why I’m talking like a surfer. I guess they are just that good.
I love your honesty, sincerity, and faithfulness! It is so amazing to see God working in so many lives! What a great God we serve! Praying for a blessed 2010, sweet Amy!
No other goal is more important than the one you mentioned. Many blessings and prayers to you in this new year…
your words hit home as my husband battled cancer all last year as well. we are lucky as he is in remission now. But i was so nervous about resolutions, the new year, interacting with people, photography. Life in general. you inspire me.
I can’t wait until the day I meet you. Isn’t it awesome how God can take a bad situation and through it we draw near to Him and we find ourselves later thanking Him for the situation we had to endure. As a cancer survivor, I can truly say that through my cancer I found God and I am so thankful for that. May God bless you and your family this year. Our goals should always be to put Him first.
God Bless!
Vanessa
these are seriously the cutest pictures ever! i love them so much!
Oh Amy, I pray this for myself as well! May 2010 be the year we are so consumed by Him that those around us can’t help but notice and join in!
So glad to see a post!!! I have had you on my heart to pray for DAILY. I know you don’t know me, but I’m telling you, God has placed you on my heart daily, and I’m praying. Words I needed to hear tonight, I can relate on some deep levels. This is a verse that has I will cling to tonight… Isaiah 30:15 In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.
I’m taking the liberty of setting a goal for you and David: a trip to Monterey, speaking at First Pres, and taking some pictures of MY daughter while you’re here!
Great work, Amy, on all fronts, and the greatest work has been done IN you, I know. Warm wishes to you both.
Amy, thank you for such a wonderful post and for being such an inspiration.
Beautiful, your words and your photos. And your attitude. Beautiful, thank you.
beautifully written amy. i’ve been thinking a lot lately that in order to be able offer God a broken spirit (a broken and contrite heart), our heart must indeed be broken. then we can give that. you have a beautiful soul. thank you for your courage, sharing and your inspiration.
Welcome back Amy! May God fill your every being with his holy presence this year and years to come.
“Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.” Proverbs 8:34
Amy, I hope your 2009 was your year of rain, but 2010 is your year of rainbows. You have to have the rain to appreciate the rainbows in life
You and David are always in my thoughts and I truly hope that this year is much better for you both xx
I love the records! So creative and the girls look so *hip*.
praise God!
Amy- I wish you nothing short of the best in 2010. God Bless.
Oh I dont even know if I can explain how wonderful this post is to read. The beautiful pictures, the cute girls, and most of all your LOVE and faith and passion despite the circumstances. What an amazing testimony! I read one time that pain is God’s megaphone, because when you tell of how amazing He is in the midst of hard times, it’s hard to ignore - and it’s powerful!
thanks for sharing!
ps - your photography is amazing too!
beautiful photos amy, and good luck on your journey!
I’ve missed you Amy! the photo’s are absolutely gorgeous and your words were even better. Bless you and always thinking of you both.
Girl I wish you the best year ever… and these pictures are AMAZING! I am in love!!!
This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. Ever. Thank you, Amy. You are so inspiring to me. Praising Jesus for the wreck He’s made of your life!!
LOVE what you say about wanting to be wrecked for the Lord. i admit that sometimes i’m utterly afraid to pray for this…fearing what that wrecking may entail. but, there is no more beautiful way to live your life or a more honoring way to serve and interact with our Lord. your work is beyond fabulous in this post, too, by the way.
Thank you thank you thank you. God’s love is so perfect and I can see it being perfected in your life. To grasp it and feel it so wonderful. I’m praying for a year of learning to embrace it and speak it for you. Thank you so much for sharing.
That was beautiful! Hang in there!
You are back and you have been missed. These two little gems have always been the center of some of your best photos. Great job and please please keep blogging! your words are inspiration for loving God.
Thank you
Amy- you’re profound words really resonated with me this morning! You are at an awesome place that frankly I want to be myself! Jesus is enough and He is everything that we need! Thank you for sharing!
Amy! These are great! I especially LOVE the ones with the girls and retro vinyl! Great job and always, you are my inspiration!
some times you can only take it one day at a time… beautiful images, beautiful soul, beautiful heart, beautiful you.
Wow… this was such an encouraging post! Wearing your heart on your sleeve is not always easy, but it was so beautifully written! Thank you
How blessed have you been in the last year even thought you have had to go through so many mixed emotions. You will continue to be blessed. Thanks for sharing your life, thoughts and heart with us. I continue to pray for you and your family.
The W girls have grown so much I just can’t believe it. You always capture them so well. These images are no different and totally ROCK!
Your post leaves me hopeful… I want to be so filled with this same desire for God. Is it weird if I say you’re like apostle Paul when you write like this? Hope to meet you someday. ~Amy
Amy,
Thank you for sharing your pictures and most intimate thoughts with us. Please know how much we appreciate it…
Beautiful…simply beautiful. Your words are full of truth, hope and honesty. Coupled with your images…simply breathtaking. I pray you will have what you after this year. I continue to pray for David.
Your writing and pictures are just gorgeous!
Amy, what a blessing to wake up every day and know your purpose… Find complete satifaction… And surrender everything to the One who loves you most. Christ is not a side-note.
Amy these are just gorgeous photos! I love the idea with the baby buggy and the records. How cute!
And your heart is beautiful too. I’ve been praying for you and David and will continue.
Does it feel sometimes that your words go unnoticed? They are not unnoticed.
Running hard after Jesus offers the only true joy there is.
I love you…I love your 2010 goals…and I love this photo shoot. Miss you,,,,
Amy, your post is beautiful. Thank you for your transparency. There is nothing like the moment when you realize that all you want, all you’ve really ever wanted was just Jesus Christ. And how wonderful it is that He makes Himself so totally available. I pray that your life will never be the same again, that you’ll be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that the Holy Spirit will do a tremendous work in you and through you such that more might come to know Him . A sister in Christ for your journey, Staci.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. You have me in tears and hopeful. May you know/live/love Him well.
What a beautiful resolution. I did not make even one this year. Oh, wait. I think I told Tom I was going to start blogging again, and that hasn’t happened yet. Your resolution is inspiring and much better than the human perspective could come up with. Love you!
Wow… love your photos so so so much! And these 2 girls are just adorable!
your photograph’s inspire me so much, but your words and your passion for the Lord inspires me even more. This will be the best “resolution” you have ever made…it won’t just be a resolution for your life but a revelation. I’ll be praying for you.
Just wanted to suggest an awesome book we just did at our church called Crazy Love. Want to be totally consumed buy Him and understand His love for YOU?? Read it!!
Amen, Amy!
i love reading your blog. your posts tend to wake me up spiritually a little bit and i’m so grateful for that. so thank you.
so glad that you are back! God Bless you for your strength and faith in him. It’s all we all need to live life, faith, whole hearted faith like you have.
This is, honestly and sincerely, one of the (if not THE!) most beautiful and whimsical and charming children’s portrait session I have ever seen. I am in love with it. I’ve looked at the images over and over. And they’re made even sweeter by the authentic and endearing soul of the photographer who took them. Amazed.
what can i say but that i’m thrilled with what you are experiences. through all the hardship and pain, pain i can’t even imagine, i’m so thrilled God has caught hold of your heart. thanks for sharing!
Thanks Amy ~ I pray that you never fear speaking from your heart. Because that’s the truest thing we have and a real gift from God.
You are beautiful inside and out, Amy.
So many, I’m sure…through this site will be praying for David, and you of course
Thanks more than you know for sharing this.
Amy, I just recently started reading your blog and just wanted to say I appreciate your transparency and genuine love for Christ. As a photographer who also works in ministry I also find it challenging to BE what we should be all the time. SO, keep running the race! BTW LOVE the Rick Springfield albums!
You are truly amazing person Amy, I love reading your posts and it is always full of love and warmness. Wish you all the best for you and your family.
Wonderful photos of these two girls
Amen, Amen!
hey! i had come across your blog a year or so ago b/c i love jasmine star’s blog & she had mentioned your blog as a blog of note..i have never left you a comment…but i have come to love your work & your passion for GOD. i have been praying for you & your husband during this tough time. i pray that GOD would just continue doing such a mighty work! thank you amy for your post! your words were expressed so beautifully. that is my prayer as well for the new year..to be so utterly consumed by the Holy Spirit that my every breath is to bring glory to God. you are a beautiful person with such a beautiful heart. thank you for being such a blessing.
Wonderful to see you back. Your words are touching. There is a reason for everything.
God Bless,
Amy
Thank you for sharing so honestly.
Amy, beautiful words! and beautiful images, I have missed seeing your work and hearing your words.
You and David remain in my prayers.
Wow, excellent, inspiring, very powerful, glad I keep a box of tissue next to my computer! Happy New Year!
I don’t know what to say to that other than…I want to love Him this year…the kind of love you spoke of. I just left the hospital praying for a friend (you know those friends you pray and pray will come to know the Lord) I want to see people come to know Jesus…I want to see lives changed this year. I feel that same love you wrote of so strongly in my life at this time and I realized that God will use those who are willing to share. Thankyou for being willing to share..on your blog…in public.
It’s incredible that you echoed every single word that I’ve been feeling gurgling within my spirit. This is the freedom that I too desire… may we both be able to recount our stories with the same fervor with which we begin this year.
Hi… new here. Blog hopping tonight and not sure how I ended up on your page (i think through the iheartfaces girl) but I read this post and I am so tracking with you. Your last paragraph gave perfect voice to the thoughts in my head. “I simply want to be wrecked by God’s love for me.” That’s where I’m at. You have a gift of the Spirit for praising Him with your words. beautiful. It takes courage just to abandon yourself to such worship, yet alone declare it. Praise Him and thank you.
First off, your thoughts and heart are just what I needed to hear. And I’m praying that God’s love wrecks you in the most loving and passionate way. I admire you that you’re willing to do something so life changing as that. I am too much of a coward.
I. LOVE. THESE.
Great job and welcome back
That brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing thing to long for this year. Thanks for encouraging me to do the same.
Thank you for sharing such intimate feelings! Keep the faith sister! Oh, and these shots are ADORABLE!!
Amy, you are an amazing and inspiring person. I have been through a lot of heartache over the years, and only wish I had the kind of unending faith that you have. I don’t know how to find it, but I admire you and am amazed by your words. Hugs and prayers, AJ
Oh. My. Goodness. I just read your post with goosebumps, tears, heart-in-throat feelings. Your authentic, transparent self blows me away. God is pleased, so so pleased with you and the depth with which you love Him and chase after Him. Thank you, thank you for your words. I’m letting them sink in. Okay, I’m going back to re-read. You are such an inspiration. xo
I’ve been reading here for a while but never felt the need to comment so strong as right ow. Thank you. Thank you. A million times thank you. You are speaking what my heart has been trying to tell me all along. I am working on so many things right now but none as important as strengthening my relationship with HIM. I felt such a tugging at my heart at the mere mention and I am just trying to drink it all in. I hope that the new year finds you closer than you ever dreamed possible, and me too. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share this. You are shining brilliantly right now.
On another note. That shoot was positively perfect! I LOVE it. The pram, the records, the clothing…sigh. Love.
Amazing post. first, thanks for sharing your heart and such deep desire for the Lord. I am encouraged and blessed by your life. Secondly, this is the coolest photo shoot I think I have ever seen. The buggy, wow, in mint condition. I actually had one of those at one time. wish I had it now. vintage records. the whole thing was magnificent. My dream is to come to your workshop.
Amy, thank you for the beautiful expressions of your love for Christ! It brought tears to my eyes. You not only have a gift of light, but of words! Please share more. May God ‘wreck’ you and shape you into what you desire.
Sincerely-Annmarie
So incredibly thankful that you write. You put into words what I cannot. Praying for the same voice this year to truly speak about Christ and his love…
I’ve been checking in to your blog for a little while now, but had to comment on your post this time. Randy Alcorn writes that the only things worth living for are the things that will matter 5 minutes after we die. Fame, talent, achieving your career or self-improvement goals - none of those matter in the end, unless they’re related to enjoying God or helping other people know and enjoy him more. I’m so blessed by your desire to live for what really matters, and wanted to encourage you with this scripture:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade — kept in heaven for you… In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials… Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.” - 1 Peter 1:3-9
These are wonderful
Wow…that is so beautiful. So raw. So perfect. This is true life. Bless you, Amy…you have echoed my heart, my longing. You have blessed me. Keep us in on your journey.
Amy, wow.
Thank you so much for sharing. I was so blessed. Thank you, really… You have been such a huge encouragement to me. I have missed your posts.
Thank you Amy for being so honest & encouraging to us all. God is surely using you in so many ways to bring honor & glory to Him!
Thank you so much for posting that! I started to cry because it is the exact desire of my heart to be wrecked by God. Christians say so often that it is hard to find time to pray, read your bible and just live for Christ. But I think it is so opposite. It is hard to carry that empty void in your heart. It is hard to live a life of guilt and regret. His yolk is easy and so beautiful!! Your amazing, thank you for speaking from your heart!
hi amy, don’t know how i found your blog … but i try to find time to read from time to time. just read your new year’s goal — you are amazing and i love your heart! wish we could share coffee sometime, but i’m in vacaville, ca. i felt impressed to share with you some music that takes me to that place in GOD. (maybe you already have it) anyways … it is from “Bethel” church in redding, ca. any of the “Jesus Culture” music is good, but my latest favorite from there is by brian & jen johnson titled “here is love”. i really want to encourage you to get it … and just SOAK — in HIS love!
Blessings,
lynda
thank-you for your courage Amy. Thank-you for the inspiration to take the time out to spend with god. thank-you
Beautifully said. To reference David’s post on 1 Samuel, I’m with you as a sister in Christ, praying for strength to follow Him.
these are so cute! i love the pram.
Beautiful.. just beautiful. I am praying for that very same thing for myself and my family.
Amen Amy, amen.
Hi Amy,
I just discovered your blog today. I was drawn in by your blog design, your photography… and then… I read this post and it made me cry to hear of your longing for Jesus. He really is everything, isn’t He? He’s more than enough to satisfy every need and desire. I’m longing for a passion for Him like this each and every moment.
Thanks for glorifying Him and blessing me through it.
~Catherine
Beautiful images as always.
I’ve been praying for you and your family.
All I can say is “WOW”. I thank you for your candor. I needed this today. And do know that our Lord is pleased with you. And may He richly satisfy you with all of Who He is. In Jesus Name. Amen.
Great photos, Amy, waaaaaay better blog post. Thank you.
So beautifully put Amy. I just wish I could give you a big hug. I know everything you are going through after having been through cancer with my dad. As hard as it is to go through, it’s the broken places in life that we finally break down and seek God’s face that much more passionately than before. I heard Beth Moore say recently “Our trust in God reverses the detours of adversity into highways of destiny. Suddenly we realize that the things we thought were detours, that was one of the most important things that ever happened to me in leading to my calling.” You are already making such a beautiful impact in the world around you by sharing your story and your struggles. I’m keeping both you and David in my prayers! Miss you girl!
dear amy,
a friend sent me your link, which i thought would contain just beautiful photos, but alas, your heart & your words are so powerful too. they brought tears to my eyes, as i long for the same: more intimacy with our Jesus.
i hope He is strongly meeting you where you are at.
i also hope my scripture art would encourage your soul.
http://www.lifeverse.etsy.com
your work is amazing also! grace & peace, julie
Amy,
God has great plans for you…and sharing your love for God can only lead to bigger and better things than you can imagine! My one and only goal for 2010 was to trust God in all that I do. Goals don’t need to be measured in sales and tangibles, the intangibles are often the most special and beautiful things in life. Bless you in all you do!!! Keep on doing what you are doing, don’t look back, don’t question, God is by your side.
Amy,
Years ago the Lord put on my heart to have one “goal”… that is to be a woman driven by her passion for the Lord… all else coming from that. Now, as a photographer, I pray it is a way for more of that passion to flow thru me… to others. O, Lord… I pray this!! Thanks for being an encouragement to remain bold for our real and complete Lover this valentines day!
These shots are so precious! Very inspiring post, thank you
I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I can relate to my own brokenness bringing me much closer to Jesus. The last couple years have been rocky for me — death, loss, changes — and I know that I could not have be brought closer to Jesus by any easier path. It’s a blessing to be broken for His glory.
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and laying it out for us to see. Your words are a beautiful testament to your faith in Christ and to His truths. Oftentimes it takes us until we are at our lowest before we truly fall to our knees and lay it at the cross and allow Him to work thru and in us. Praise Jesus for the passion you’ve found in Him. It was a blessing to read your post and it has convicted me of the difference between the lukewarm way that I’ve been and the passionate way I need to be in terms of my desire to know and grow closer to our living God. Thank you for that. I’m a huge fan of your work but even more so of the heart behind it. God Bless.
Hana Lynch
Amy,
My heart has been deeply touched by your message. I pray that God continues to strengthen you in his presence and fill your heart with his love. The only love that satisfies. What an awesome New Years resolution. God Bless ~ Naomi
Just found your blog! Your pictures and words are so inspiring and challenging! Your family will be in our prayers and look forward to reading great things.
Thank you so much for sharing those words. I have tears. I know that God wants my desire for Him to be just as you have said yours is. Thank you, thank you for writing it down and giving my heart the shock it needs. Thank you for making it all about Him.
This post touched me to my very soul. I struggle daily in my walk with Christ. There are so many walls to be torn down and so little time in which to surrender it all, but in the end, God will have His way if we let Him.
God Bless you and keep you. You and your family will be in my prayers. ((hugs))
This is such a great session. I love the girls in their little dresses.
Amy,
Your blog & website has so touched me deeply. I hope all is doing well with you and your husband David. I found out today that Layla Grace passed away in Texas. I follow Kate McRae too ~ found, like you via Twitter. Please continue to speak your faith. Know that we are ‘Princess Warriors’ in his kingdom ~ and this is a journey. I hope you are doing well & would welcome a response. I am a singer, songwriter, & pianist (worship leader). I love your work & would be interested in helping you promote your talent if your ever in the South Florida area.
Blessings.
Fellow Sister Princess Warrior
in Christ.
‘Sing’cerely
Amy, you are such an inspiration to me - both your amazing work and your deep, sincere love for Jesus.
The golden retriever in the pram is just priceless, beautifully captured!
Wow. I’m not sure I even have the words to respond to this powerful post…but I can see Jesus’ fingerprints all over every single word. Thank you for sharing out of the depths of your heart.
This is the first time I’ve had the pleasure of visiting your blog, coming over from I heart Faces. I’m just kinda speechless. May God bless you and your husband and keep you both in the palm of His loving hand, you are safe despite what all around you may look like and feel like. Keep clinging to Him, sister!
So, this is an older post, but I just now read it because I just now discovered your blog. I just wanted to say WELL SAID. How wonderful for you to listen to what He was speaking to you and for you to understand what it is you need to do this year. You’ve inspired me today :o). And I don’t know where this year’s journey has taken you so far, but know that your husband is in our prayers. And I don’t say that without meaning it.
Hi, I bumped into your blog as I was reading Jasmine’s interview. I must say i am overwhelmed by the sense of wanting so much more of God as I read your blog. It really echo my heart’s desire.
You are an inspiration to me not just only in photography but in faith too. God bless.
I don’t know how to do trackbacks, so I’m letting you know I quoted this entry at http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/smhgrace?ref=profile today. You put into words a feeling I experience so strongly, it is a physical ache. Thank you, and God bless you both richly and abundantly.
I seen your name & info through IHeartFaces & I’m always interested in other photographers & looking at their work. I’ve been reading your blog & I just wanted to say thank you for opening up like you have. I’m not a church-goer but I definitely have my beliefs & pleasing God is SO important to me. We are truly nothing without him. I believe he chasitises us to either exercise our faith, or maybe to get us back on track. Whatever you have gone through, I’m sure you have made Him pleased by turning to him instead of away in times of suffering. I will be watching your blog from here on out. Again, I’m happy to see your honesty and openness. God bless you & your family.
You are a treasure, Amy Wenzel…
I’m not easily impressed. . . but that’s impeirssng me!
Amazing post with some really beautiful pictures. I love all the records! She must be a huge music fan
thank you SO MUCH for sharing your heart… it takes courage and passion.
Great post and blog, thanks for sharing