Saturday August 29th, 2009
At the break of dawn this morning I drove out to Lake Michigan for a session. I was really looking forward to this early morning beach shoot but as it turned out, Mother Nature had some major PMS and wasn’t interested in my well laid out plans. It seemed a little overcast and windy up at the house, so we went down to check the weather by the water and it was anything but pleasant. The chilly wind was whipping up a gale, the sky was gray and foreboding. The roaring waves angrily crashed against the shore. We stood up on the bluff shivering against the gusts of wind, slowly feeling our spirits droop. The lovely beach shoot wasn’t happening. At least not today. It all felt very unjust. I couldn’t help but think that it shouldn’t be this way. It’s a Saturday morning in August. People are vacationing for crying out loud! It’s not supposed to look like December outside. Nothing was as it should be. That stormy beach made a chill crawl up my spine. It was hitting a tender nerve.
My life feels like a broken Saturday morning in August. It should be happy. It should be sunny. But I am lost on an angry sea.
But there was one bright ray of light that came in the form of 3 year old Payton who I was to photograph today. After slinging her tiny arms around my neck in one of the most sincere displays of affection I have received in a long time, she handed me this beautiful piece of artwork that she had made especially for me. I asked her if I could pour milk on it and eat the cereal off. She wasn’t thrilled with the idea.
She had instructed her mom to write on it two important messages to me:
“Amy, please let your husband’s brain feel good” followed up by the obviously more pertinent instruction, “Dance your body real good.”
The love, the humor and her earnest desire to give me her gift completely touched my heart. So Payton, although I don’t have a lot of control over David’s brain right now, there is one thing I can definitely promise to do for you, and that is to dance my body real good!
Posted by Amy on August 29, 2009 at 10:46 PM |
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Friday August 28th, 2009
Okay, so I’ve written some pretty vulnerable and somewhat melancholy blogs lately. The truth is, I get so much fulfillment and meaning from sharing the deep parts of myself with others. The feedback was really cool as everyone confirmed that I am not alone in my struggles with life. I was amazed at some of the emails that came in because they described how I feel exactly. But as much as I have the down days, I also have some really good days where I am filled with hope and energy propelling me into the future. Today is one of those good days. I feel a bit “reborn” as God infuses me with this soft and gentle peace that I am accepted by Him just as I am. I don’t have to do or be anything. The whole concept of His grace is what fills me with this hope that I can lay down my burdens, believe for good things, and rest. And holy cow do I need this rest! I feel like I am on the precipice of a very large breakthrough in matters emotional, spiritual, and even in my career. Change is a comin! I can feel it in the air.
David also let the cat out of the bag on his blog that we have decided to treat his cancer through nutrition and alternative therapy for the time being. Radiation is not out of the question later in the game, but we feel so strongly that we are supposed to pursue natural treatment right now. The story is long and involved and was a decision made through sweat, blood and tears, but since we made the decision we have literally been enveloped in peace about it. Like seriously, ZERO doubt. If you would have told me 2 months ago that we would find ourselves here I would never have believed you. So we’ve found ourselves on this crazy adventure. We are slowly but surely adjusting to a new lifestyle. David is being transformed from the inside out as he learns how to de-stress, surrender everything and heal. (Might I add that I am so proud of him. He is taking it like a champ! He never cheats on his diet. I however am a big, fat cheater.) Meanwhile, I am painfully learning how to juggle work, household, emotions and cancer. I feel at peace with where we are at right now even though from the outside it probably looks like a gory mess. On this wild ride I’m learning that God may be a lot of things, but He is definitely NOT boring!
I was bummed that I never had the chance to share these photos before all the craziness happened. This was a shoot for Lanna Mae Brown’s spring line back in April. We had an unseasonably warm day. We hauled the bathtub into the woods, brought our sack of lemons and went to town! For the bathtub shots I used an off camera flash (canon speed lite 580EX II) bounced into a silver umbrella. I like the effect! It added a little something extra on the overcast day. I may try it again sometime. I also need to give a shout out to Dutch, the overly obedient dog who sat alone in the bathtub until he was excused even after the kids had all ran away! He definitely has a career in modeling ahead of him.
Posted by Amy on August 28, 2009 at 03:26 PM |
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Wednesday August 26th, 2009
The September 26-28 workshop is sold out! However, there are still seats available at the October 10-12 workshop for those of you who are considering attending. If you have any questions, please email me. Thanks!
Posted by Amy on August 26, 2009 at 06:57 PM |
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Wednesday August 12th, 2009
I feel the need to share tonight. I don’t need to say anything fancy. I just want to write from my heart. I feel God tugging at my soul whispering, “Amy, come back to me. I miss you. I won’t let you down.“ I’ve gotten so lost the past couple of weeks as I’ve started back to work and have been trying so hard to implement all of the dietary and lifestyle changes we are going through. It’s a full time job just running the juicer (thats a whole nother story). But what I notice in myself is the over-achiever kicking in. Sometimes I just don’t like the way God operates, and I decide to try it my way for a while and see how that works out for me. (ha! ask me how well it pans out!) I don’t stop to sit down and pray. I treat my Bible like its covered in bubonic plague germs, and I just get really, really really busy. You know, so I have a real excuse for why I don’t have time for God right now since he’s just one more person asking something of me. Basically I decide to try to fix things myself. a.ka. control things. Whichever way you want to slice it.
But I know this feeling all to well and I know where it leads. It leads to work-aholicism, checking out from my emotions, and living in photography land (population=one). It’s a lonely place. A barren desert filled with nothing but trying to control things and fix our problems through making money to give us security (which we so desperately want right now!). It’s hard to resist this temptation. The medical bills are piling up, we’ve been thrust into this totally unstable situation where we all we want are answers and security and promises and a good nights sleep, but they are all hard to find. Maybe even non-existent. And the thing is, I don’t really know how to work without going ALL THE WAY. And by going all the way I mean becoming the bionic woman without a soul.
Anyone else ever feel this way? Like you have to choose between your soft, spiritual, nurturing self or your strong, dominant, task master self who will break out the cat-of-nine tails if you dare to cry like some wimp on the playground?
Frazzled and strung out, I got into a scalding hot shower tonight and let the water wash away the day. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t need a scalding hot shower than you don’t have enough drama in your life. If it ain’t burnin ya, you ain’t got enough problems. So in my skin injuring shower, God pressed something on my heart tonight. I heard a gentle voice inside of me saying, “Amy, your worth lies in so much more than making money.” I felt the walls start to crumble. It just felt different coming from Him. And I realized that this is the message I’m sending myself when I act this way. A message that implies that all I have to offer the world, my husband or myself is to become a money making machine.
I know that sounds strange but I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way? Maybe you are a stay at home mom and as you constantly serve everyone else you feel you’ve become nothing more than a personal maid and cook. Or maybe you are someone who struggles with low self esteem and you’ve pegged yourself with an unhealthy label that belittles and underplays the great worth you have in the sight of God. Or maybe like me you have a successful career and you bury yourself in it so deeply sometimes that it starts to define you, sucking the life out of everything else in your soul until you feel that working is all your are good for. Your worth equals a paycheck.
For me, balance is an extremely difficult issue. To perform, I often have to choose between my soft, spiritual, nurturing self and my strong, dominant, task master self who will break out the cat-of-nine tails if I dare to cry like some wimp on the playground or (gasp!) take a work break longer than the time it takes to shovel dinner in my mouth. It’s like I just check out of life and throw myself into work as though it’s the only thing. I’ve done it for about two weeks now and it feels nothing but toxic. It feels wrong to the core of my being. I want to use the talents God has given me to design, create, and thrive in my business but still be emotionally available to David and totally immersed in my spiritual and emotional side. I’m tired of feeling like I have to choose! I wish I knew how to be both. I have to believe that God is big enough to help me be both. I’m ready for a change. I love Him, and I want to do what is right. Dear Lord, I want to obey you.
I can no longer crucify the soft, vulnerable side of me for the greater good of getting things done the way that I used to. I can’t use work as a crutch in my life to get through a hard time of my husband having cancer. Creativity might be a distraction, and money might help pay the bills, but it’s not going to fix things, and it’s not going to give me life. I have to learn the beautiful art of balance and to cherish and nurture each part of myself. Each lovely, important part of myself that all contribute to helping me in some way.
And most importantly, I need to go to God first. Always first. And he will multiply my efforts, just like the loaves and fishes. He will make my work easier. He will make the yoke easy and the burden light. But most of all, I’ll stay in tune with a God who loves me intimately, provides for my needs, and has a unique plan for my life that probably has nothing to do with financial gain. And although “the path is narrow and there are few who find it,” I want to walk it. At the core of my being I know I want to walk it. But only Jesus can keep me on it. It’s all mercy. Always mercy.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.
Posted by Amy on August 12, 2009 at 02:23 AM |
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Monday August 10th, 2009
The summer is flying by. Is anyone else terribly sad about this? I feel like I blinked once, and already I’m picking out a Halloween costume. Maybe this year I can be something else besides the scary old man. I’ve now officially gone back to work which is making the time go even faster. I’m booking sessions again, planning the workshops, and doing one of my favorite things…designing!
For those of you who love “pretty things” to compliment your photos, I’ve created two new sets of Photoshop borders for sale through Swiss Miss Design Haus. I really, really love these new designs and I think they’ll make the perfect album pages. To view the designs larger or to purchase you can check them out here. When you visit the site, be sure to sign up for the newsletter if you haven’t done so already. Then you can be the first to know when new products debut and receive the inside scoop whenever I’m running a promotion.
Ornate Borders (10×10): $45
- - 5 unique 10×10 borders designed at 300 dpi.
- - Layer or clipping masks allow for easy photo insertion (instruction guide attached)
- - Fully layered files allow for color changes and complete customization
- - Compatible with Photoshop 7 or newer
- - All products are instant downloads at checkout
Simple Elegance Borders (8×10): $30
- - 5 unique 8×10 borders designed at 300 dpi.
- - Layer or clipping masks allow for easy photo insertion (instruction guide attached)
- - Fully layered files allow for color changes and complete customization
- - Compatible with Photoshop 7 or newer
- - All products are instant downloads at checkout
Posted by Amy on August 10, 2009 at 11:14 PM |
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i loves
I just was listening to this song/ watching this video from Aaron and it sooths me. Music really helps me out sometimes 
Comments
This sweet blessing that you received made my heart get the warm & fuzzies. You two have so many people rooting for you.
hey ames. i really appreciated your post today. made me breathe a little lighter for once. joy.
Oh that is so very special!
beautiful! this one drew a tear (or ten). I love your blog!
oh…..isn’t it wonderful that Jesus shows up and speaks to us in the midst of the storm…what a WORD you have received from Him through that precious little one! Accept His invitation to dance, my friend…let Him take you in His arms and embrace you in a slow, intimate dance the One who loves you dearly!
Augh…this is one of my most favorite posts! Ever!
What a sweet little child. I love how children are so innocent.
I was driving back to Ohio from Muskegon Saturday. Maybe we passed each other! I got to spend some quality time with your SIL, K. Love her!! Praying for you and David!
Funny…the sweet things that sometimes come out of broken Saturday mornings…
I love this!! Thank you for sharing. I needed a good case of the chills today. We will “dance our bodies real good” here in Atlanta for you today.
this made me laugh and cry … so sweet!
I’m so sorry that the photoshoot didn’t go well. Hopefully you’ll be able to reschedule soon.
What a beautiful sentiment and great advice from Payton! If you ever feel like dancing, let me know….it would be fun to go out for a night on the town!
hugs,
Laura
Amy,
I happened across your blog when my friend was going to attend one of your workshops. Needless to say, that was the workshop that never happend due to your husbands medical ordeal. When she made it back and told me about what was going on, I said a few prayers for you guys and have since been checking your blog.
I was begining to dabble in photography when I looked at your site. Since then I have been going full speed ahead! You are truly a gifted woman. I feel so completely novice when I visit your site; yet it gives me such inspiration. Just love it!!!
For that I thank you. I do hope one day I will make it to one of your workshops and truly learn from one of the best.
You and your hubby are in my prayers, and knock this thing out of the park!
Melissa Calder
so sweet…smiles and tears right now
my family and I keep you, david and your families in our prayers everyday. not only is your photography inspiring but your love for God and your faith is too.
That’s the best message I’ve heard in a long time. What a beautiful gift … in so many ways.
I have been reading your blogs for awhile and have stayed silent. Today’s blog post was so touching in all this turmoil and I just wanted to tell you that you both have been in my prayers from the beginning. Sometimes it just takes a child to put things in perspective with their innocence. I too say you should dance your body real good!
So cute! I pray for your husband and please dance for body real good
so cute amy! we are still praying for you and david! and thinking about you all the time.
It was great meeting you last night, Amy! I hope you had a great time with Jasmine and your husbands today!